How Can I Get My Husband to go to Counseling for Relationship Problems?

If you have relationship problems, just getting into therapy can be difficult. We are not looking to blame anyone for this difficulty. However, there might be one spouse that is hesitant to start. Let’s talk about what to do if it your husband that is hesitant.

Counseling, if done right, is husband friendly! Find the right therapist and you’ll understand. The problem is that many husbands worry that the therapist is going to take their wife’s side and gang up on him. They are also worried that therapy will be uncomfortable. While the latter may be true, the former is not. A good therapist doesn’t take sides or act as a referee. (Related article: Counseling Dos and Don’ts).

I have had many couples want to hash out an argument in front of me in counseling so that I can tell them who is right. I politely stop them, and explain that even if one of them ended up right, that they would be wrong in their rightness. Their marriage would suffer because they insisted on being right instead of compassionate and forgiving.

How Therapy For Relationship Problems Is Husband Friendly

A good therapist, rather, is able to foster healthy interactions between spouses. This allows both to feel safe and able to be vulnerable and genuine with each other. (Related article: Communication in Marriage).

When husbands understand that what they feel and think is important, then they are more willing to make this uncomfortable leap. Women are more likely than men to initiate therapy. However, without buy-in from their spouse, it is difficult to be successful.

How To Help Him Get To Counseling

My suggestion to women who want to initiate counseling, but have a reluctant spouse, is to recognize that this is scary for them. They may feel as if they will be attacked, or worse yet, that they will lose you. Help them understand that your desire for counseling is because you love him and because you want this to work. (Related article: How to Encourage Sincere Change in Couples Therapy). But that you are not sure how to make it work. Ask him to give therapy at least 3 sessions – after that, if he still feels reluctant there might be another counselor or approach that you could try. Most men feel better about therapy after at least 3 sessions if you have the right therapist for you.

Work on your relationship problems with a trained couples counselor. We have therapists in South Jordan, Spanish Fork, American Fork and Orem. 

Written by Triston Morgan, PhD