LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Therapy Blog for Orem, American Fork, Spanish Fork & South Jordan
Marriage counseling is probably one of the most difficult things you can do, and, subsequently, the most important. That is, If it’s something that you need. Most couples put off marriage counseling years after they probably need to start. This hurts your relationship because the problems you have continue to damage your marriage over the years. Repairing this damage can be costly and time consuming. Early intervention is best when it comes to relationship problems. So, get in there. You will be glad you did if you put the work in and stay teachable.
Let’s review one principle to keep in mind when starting marriage counseling. This will help you stay on the right path towards healing with your partner.
Marriage Counseling Helps You Grow Closer Through Your Struggles
Common Myth About Marriage
There is one common myth about marriage I see as a marriage and family therapist I want to share. It is when you say or believe the following: “We can’t be close until we get over _________.” Fill in the blank at the end with whatever you struggle with as a couple. It could be anything like pornography, anger, money, sex, in-laws or other marriage problems.
The belief that you have to get over your problems in order for you to get close, be happy or make it work with your spouse is hurting your relationship. All marriages have problems (read here to see common ones that damage). Even if you were able to get rid of your husband’s pornography problem, for example, another issue would take its place. It’s not the presence of marriage problems that harm or end your marriage, it’s how you go about those problems that will harm or end it.
There Is Hope
This is one of my favorite and most hopeful findings from one of the world’s leading researchers, John Gottman. He studied couples over years and found that even happily married couples who end up staying married have marriage problems. Or, even need marriage counseling I would add. The difference between couples who stay happily married and their counterparts who end up miserable in marriage or divorced is how they go about their marriage problems. They go about their relationship problems in a healthy manner. And those who go about them in an unhealthy manner usually end up divorced.
Remember, it’s not the presence of issues that hurts you, it’s how you go about it that damages your relationship. Therefore, you can become closer because of your struggles together as you work through them, not inspite of them. You don’t have to get rid of your problems as a couple to be happy. Just go about working on them together in a healthy manner.
We have highly trained marriage and family therapists here to help.