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Marriage Myth: “Good Marriages Come Naturally”
Marriage Counseling and Marriage Myths
If you are attending marriage counseling, you may have noticed that during your life you have been told lots of marriage myths (Related Article: Marriage Counseling Myths: “Happy Couples Never Argue”). A common misconception is that good marriages just fall right into place. Your mom, grandma, uncle, neighbor, etc has probably told you that “good marriages happen naturally”.
Sadly, you might even hear that if you experience contention or disagreement with your spouse, then your relationship won’t last. Thankfully, this is not the case… But, your marriage will require work.
However, that is not a bad thing! Today you will learn about why good relationships do not come naturally and how the work you put into your marriage can pay off.
Myth #2: Good relationships come naturally.
To start, it is important to remember that marriage is a marriage of many things; your friends, schedule, family, goals and lives! Combining your separate lives and experiences into one will take time and patience. Plus, it doesn’t make sense that creating a new life together will just fall into place without some work.
Now, of course compatibility is important, and of course it is not good to stay in a relationship where both partners are not making an effort to improve. But, on the other hand, good relationships do not just spontaneously happen and thrive without some work and effort (Related Article: Marriage Counseling- Resilience).
Marriage Fact: In marriage, hard work pays off.
So, remember, when it comes to your marriage, you and your partner will get back what you give. The best relationships take time and intentional effort from you and your partner. In this example, “hard work” doesn’t mean you should settle for constant fighting or discomfort. Work in marriage looks like making an effort to actively listen to your spouse (Related Article: How Putting Off Marriage Counseling Damages Your Relationship).
For example, working for your marriage might look like finding new ways to build trust in each other. Likewise, in another marriage that might mean working together to set mutual goals. Thankfully, no matter how you and your spouse approach working on your marriage, the mutual hard work that you invest into your partnership can pay off (Related article: Marriage Counseling- Fixing How You Fight).
Additionally, understanding research about couples and compatibility can help you learn that your marriage requires sustained effort across your time together. Notably, John Gottman’s relationship research has shown that a successful marriage is made of many different actions, like showing genuine interest in each others’ success, setting shared goals, and showing forgiveness and respect, to name a few (Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work).
Marriage Counseling Can Help
Thankfully, you and your spouse do not have to do this alone! Couples counseling is designed to help your relationship, whether you are dating, newly married, or have been together for decades. Your therapist can help you know how to most effectively put in the work to help your partnership thrive.
Ready to get started? Start couples therapy today in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork.
Written by Lauren Adkins