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Therapy Blog for Orem, Spanish Fork & South Jordan
Marriage Counseling For Newlyweds
Marriage counseling for newlyweds would be a great requirement for a successful start to your marriage. Getting married in the first place can be difficult (and fun!), and can also bring unforeseen stress.
In a previous article I wrote about a few pre-marriage counseling tips (Related Article: Pre-Marriage Counseling Tips). The first was that what you see is what you get. It’s important to know that your spouse isn’t going to change. For better and worse. The strengths you see in them before you are married will still be there after you are married – only you will see more of them. The weaknesses you see in them before you are married will still be there after you are married – only you will see more of them.
The second is that you need to manage expectations. Your expectations of your life and spouse after you are married can be a quick way to fight and pain. Making your expectations known and then letting go of most of them (the unhealthy ones) can be helpful.
Third, I mentioned that what you love could become what you hate. Watch out for this one. If you like that he ‘makes me want to be a better person’, you could end up hating that pressure after you are married. When life starts to get stressful and the romantic phase of your relationship becomes less potent, that pressure can become unwanted and even resented.
In this article, I want to talk about after you are married – what to watch out for.
Marriage Counseling – Sex
Sex is one of the bigger issues for newly married couples (Related Article: Relationship Problems – Sex). Naturally it can easily become a problem when you have grown up in a culture where sex is taboo and not addressed. In these circumstances you go from not having sex to having sex. Also, you will be expected to be good at it or at least to change your mindset about it. That transition can be difficult and needs specific attention.
Talk about sex with your spouse. Talk about your expectations and your fears. You can address what it’s like for you physically and emotionally. Both of these aspects (physical and emotional) are important to address as you both explore what you are and are not comfortable with. So, instead of expecting yourselves to be good at it and that it will work perfectly, expect that it will be a roller coaster. You will have ups and downs and will need to talk through it to make it work. If you consistently have difficulty physically or emotionally you could consider sex therapy (Related Article: Do We Need Sex Therapy?).
Marriage Counseling – Money
You can’t get away from the fact that money impacts your relationship (Related Article: Relationship Problems – Money). It stresses you out or can put you in a position of confidence – and everything in between. Money impacts how you function as a couple and can greatly affect your emotional state and relationship satisfaction.
I encourage newly married couples to take a money management course from an expert (i.e. Dave Ramsey). This will give you a platform to start understanding money. Most individuals don’t get any training in money management, and your life greatly depends on how you manage your money. So, let the experts help you with understanding it.
Marriage Counseling – In-Laws
Oh, boy. Dealing with in-laws can be great and it can be difficult (Related Article: Relationship Problems – In-Laws). You aren’t just marrying your spouse, you are marrying their family. Luckily, in some cases that is fantastic news; in others it’s not. Learning how to have a relationship with your mother-in-law or father-in-law is important. Knowing that your spouse will always be their child and/or a sibling can help. Your relationship with them doesn’t have to take a back seat, but allowing for those other roles can be beneficial.
Understanding these three key areas for success as a newlyweds couple is important. Therapists can help you navigate those waters if needed. You can make a lot of progress on your own, however sometimes it’s helpful to seek the advice and help from a trained counselor.