Sex Therapy: How to Prepare to add Sex to Your Relationship

If you are engaged and you are waiting until you get married to have sex, like many do in Utah, you might not be sure how to prepare. It might seem strange to go from abstinence to a regular sex life in such a quick period of time. So, what can you and your partner do to make sure your transition into married life is positive when it comes to sex? (Related Article: Sex Therapy- Why is it so hard to get on the same page?)

Today, you will learn about some things you and your partner can do to prepare emotionally for sex and marriage. 

 A New Dynamic

If you are intimidated by the idea of adding sex to your relationship, you are not alone. It can be scary to think of changing how you express love with your partner. And, adjusting boundaries and exploring the unknown together can be overwhelming. 

How can you make a smooth transition into married life and sex? A good first step is to set expectations with each other before the wedding. Open communication will be important for you, especially when it comes to sex. (Related article: Marriage Problems-Sex). 

Discuss things you anticipate. Ask each other questions. Don’t be afraid to bring up things that might be intimidating or concerning about sex. Give you and your partner time to talk through your feelings and perspectives about what you expect to happen your first time together. 

Additionally, don’t be afraid to be flexible with the plan. Anticipating a perfect experience your first time having sex together is not realistic, and may put unneeded pressure on both of you. Exploring sex for the first time can be positive, but it may not be exactly what you expect. (Related article: Do We Need Sex Therapy?). Plus, there is no rule stating that you have to have sex your first night together after the wedding. Don’t be afraid to leave things open ended and flexible, and continue to keep the communication open as you learn how to add sex into your relationship. 

Give Yourself Time to Learn

If you are waiting to have sex until marriage, you may have some religious beliefs and cultural expectations that are attached to sex. And that isn’t a bad thing! It is okay to have boundaries when it comes to premarital sex, and religion can add extra depth and meaning to your marriage. 

However, you may find that once the wedding is over and your sex life begins, you feel lost or uncomfortable. And that makes sense, too. It is a big adjustment to go from avoiding sex, sexuality, and desire, to having a full and active sex life with your partner. That transition rarely happens quickly. In fact, it may take some time for you to feel fully comfortable with sex.

It can also take time to learn and understand your own sexuality and sexual interests. Up until now, you may not have explored your sexuality. Give yourself and your partner some grace as you navigate the learning experience that comes with becoming sexually active as a couple. Approach sex with curiosity instead of apprehension, and don’t hesitate to maintain open communication as you learn together. (Related Article: Couples That Talk About Sex Have Better Sex). 

Therapy Helps You Have Better Sex

This is an exciting time for you and your fiance. As you prepare for the wedding and your life together, don’t forget to also prepare emotionally! In the hustle and bustle of the engagement and wedding planning, it can be easy to forget the major adjustments that come with marriage, like adding sex into your relationship and routine. 

That’s where couples therapy and sex therapy can help! A therapist can help you and your partner learn how to build trust and create a happy, healthy sex life together. Ready to get started? Schedule a counseling appointment with us today in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork. 

Written by Lauren Adkins